Lord thank you for my Smokin’ Hot Wife!.

Please tell me you have seen this clip and my wife’s favorite clip!   That’s some funny stuff right there.  In all seriousness, today marks my 4^th wedding anniversary to my wife, Nicole.  I know many of you may be thinking, only 4 years of marriage and 3 kids 3 and under?  Wow!  For those of you who may not know us too well, while we may only be married for 4 years, we have been together and known each other for a dozen or so now.  So if I put my marriage time into present known time, she is my old ball and chain! 

I have been reading the book Love and War by John & Stasi Eldredge, which I recommend as a must read for any couple getting married, in marriage or falling out of marriage.  The book takes you through their marriage and points to some of the finer things in a marriage that is important to keep in perspective between a man and a woman.  The opening though talks about marriage being a Love story and a War story.  It truly puts it into perfect perspective right at the beginning.  In my first few blog posts I talked about being a great father, a great man and now I want to share my thoughts on being a great husband. 

Let me start off by reiterating that I am still learning how to be a great husband.  In fact, at times, I think I am awful at it.  I am not perfect and neither are any of you.  But if I can keep putting in the effort to be better and always willing to learn, then I know I am on the right path.  A war story, you may ask?  My favorite book tells us:  “Be self-controlled and alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, stand in firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”  I Peter 5:8

Isnt love grand?  Isn’t it wonderful?  YES it is and YES it can be.  See when we were put here God made man and woman to live in Eden.  But early on we learn that the arc angel is not far away in fact he is in the garden and with that Eden falls out of Glory only for us to find it again in perfect harmony when we get into Heaven.  Now if you don’t know the story, I encourage you all to read it as it truly is a remarkable book, filled with all the stuff us guys like!  But see on my anniversary I am reflecting on this part of the story as a war story. 

See we all like a good battle and I am in a battle every day for my marriage.  Don’t misunderstand what I am trying to say, I love my wife, we will finish our life here on earth together as I promised when I said I do.  This has nothing to do with my love for her in the war story.  She knows that but see in this story the devil is always around and even when we put down our guard for one single moment he is ready to swoop in and take control of our lives. 

On this anniversary I am reminded that it’s a war story.  All around me the devil is devouring love and spitting out all the best things that God made with it into adultery, divorce, hatred and fear.  That’s the battle I am fighting.  As a husband and a father I am constantly battling the evilness of our word and defending the very promise I made my wife 4 years ago.  I promise to protect you, be faithful to you and always be there for you in front of God and witnesses.  See all around me the world is filled with wickedness that the evil one caused when it all began.  The world tells me divorce happens, and that it’s ok.  But you see I don’t accept that as normal in my life. I don’t accept that as the way it has to be.   God doesn’t want it that way for me and my marriage and surely he doesn’t want it for you.   

This won’t be easy for any of us, but I know that it’s worth fighting for.  In fact it’s the most important thing worth fighting for.  On this anniversary I give thanks to God for marrying me to the person He planned out for me.  For giving me a wife who takes care of me, loves me for all my imperfections for showing me what it’s like to be a man.  See we all need our Eve.  The one who is put here on this earth to be a constant companion.  Throughout time we have been battling for good.  Today I fight for my marriage and resist the devil.  The scary thing is that tomorrow starts all over and a new battle begins.  See this is a War story.  One that never ends just when we get comfortable and complacent I am reminded that the devil is looking right over my shoulder.  But in my story, good will win over evil because I am fighting and I won’t stop. 

Nicole, thank you for listening to God’s words and saying I do!  Thank you for allowing me into your heart and for giving me everything and more.  I am not putting my guard down.  You are too important.  I am far from perfect but having you and our kids has me living the perfect life.  I don’t know what the future has in our story but as long as I have you that I am fighting for, I am all in!  I love you!

p.s. Nicole is usually my editor for my blog and helps me put my ramblings and thoughts into a proper format to read.  While I do not apologize for my content, I do apologize for any sentences that run on, don’t have proper punctuation or too many words.  I had to edit this one on my own.  It is just part of my war story! 

Where's the Beef?

I love my father in law.  I really do.  For those of you that know him, you know that he has the biggest heart a guy could have.  He called us the other day to let us know that he got some extra meat for making keftedes, Greek meatballs - here’s a recipe for those who are interested. He then proceeded to ask if we would like any of the extra beef to make our own. I mean this guy is a real guy’s guy. “I got some extra meat. You want some?”  All kidding aside, the fact that he would go out of his way to ask us if we would like him to make us some dinner, knowing we have a newborn is a really kind gesture.  How many guys do you know that would go out of their way to help you out?  Seriously, can you even count them on one hand?  I’m not talking about the everyday friend who says they would be there for you, but one that truly would do anything for you. They would stop everything, at the drop of a dime, to offer their hands, their feet, their sweat, and their heart to help someone in need?

A few months back I had some friends at my house for dinner and conversation.  While talking , my friend Rick and I get into a discussion about how there is no real spot in the kitchen to store our garbage can so we keep it in a closet. I know odd, but this is what men talk about, ok? Then without hesitation Rick says if we want that he would come over and build a cabinet for us right off of our kitchen island to make it easier.   Now those of you that know me know I am not the handiest of guys myself, so any chance I get to have someone do the construction work for me, I jump at.  It’s not that I’m lazy or don’t like to do work, I am more of as my father in law likes to say, a pencil pusher.  Trust me; I don’t take that with any sort of disrespect for who I am and what I do. Some guys just have it in their wiring to build, repair, tinker while others are more into spreadsheets, paperwork and office tasks.  I have no doubt in my mind that if I asked him for help, Rick would be over in a heartbeat ready to be the hands and feet for me in building that cabinet.  

How many times have you heard the stereotype about guys who don't like to ask for directions or help? Sometimes I ask myself is it really just a stereotype or is there some underlying truth to it?  When are we going to break that mold?  Why do we, as men, feel the pressure to always know what to say and do the right thing in every situation?  We want to be that guy that has it all together. We want to "fix" all the problems, have all the answers and be in control. We want to be that guy others rely on, the one who has the right tools and the right answers.  Who puts these pressures on us? Our wives? Society? Our bosses? Maybe sometimes, but I believe we mostly put it on ourselves.

Think about it, this is often the same pressure we place on our sons.  We want them to be a star athlete, the smart doctor, or brave firefighter.  We have it all planned out for them.  If they just eat their vegetables, work out right; study hard than they will be ready to fill that mold.  Isn't there more we want for them than that?  What kind of men will we raise our sons to be?  Do we want them to be men that are cookie cutters of what our culture and society says they should be, or do we want to raise strong men who embrace their own skill-set and strengths no matter what society dictates. Men who strive to be the best they can be. Men, who aren’t envious of what others can do, but understand the importance of their role in the circle of brotherhood.

I think deep down we all want our sons to be the best and have everything. We want them to be good husbands and fathers.  I married into a family of guys guys.  Men who do the men work.  The boys played their sports, got jobs in criminal justice, mowed the lawn and they fixed cars, built decks, drove boats, go to baseball games, and have toolboxes. However, more importantly, what I really married into is a group of men that have unconditional love for one another.  Love that is so deep that if I picked up the phone and called them for anything, they would do it in a heartbeat.  No questions asked.  I married into this brotherhood that is so unexplainable yet so real.

We all need that brotherhood in our lives. These men are the true definition of honest, trusting guys who will not just tell you what you want to hear but to help you discover what you need.  We need the kind of men who will draw out their sword with you on the battlefield.  It’s a group of guys who will build kitchen cabinets for you, make your family dinner, or go to a hockey game with you. These are the kind of men who don't mind talking about their kids or who aren't too proud to share how much they love their wife.  Whether it is in a church small group, the guys in your family or your neighborhood pals, we all long for and desperately need that brotherhood. We need to ask for directions sometimes.

At the end of the day we all want to live a life that has substance and meaning. Society likes to tell us that this kind of brotherhood doesn't truly exist, and that really when it boils down to it it's every man for himself. You know what? I really don’t believe that’s true, because I've seen otherwise for myself. There  are times when I look at myself and ask where’s the beef,  but then I think of one of my favorite passages from my favorite book and it reminds me that there is always someone willing to break the mold and fight the stereotypes with me.  So gather up brothers, and be prepared to battle for yourself, your loved ones and your sons!

"In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. “ Ephesians 6:16-17

Being a great parent has given you good kids. God just gave you the opportunity.

“Being a great parent has given you good kids. God just gave you the opportunity.” I read this today on a friends Facebook wall. It was in response to him mentioning that God gave him such great kids. The more I read this the more it really stuck out at me. God has given us so many opportunities and unique moments to realize just how special life is and how much He has offered us. Still no matter how many opportunities we are presented with God still says it is up to us on what we do with them. So what does it take to be a great parent, and further more what does it take to be a great father?

I am in no way perfect. In fact, I am far from it. However, lately, I have been told that I am a great father. This made me wonder what does it mean to be a great father? Do I give my kids everything they want? Do I confuse my love with materialist things? Do I treat their mother right by being a great husband? So often, I see so many examples of bad dads but who am I to judge? The parents brawling at a little league game, maybe someone was picking on their child? The child who boarded a plane to run away, maybe he was being abused? Parents buying their child all the best toys, video games and phones, maybe she is adopted and has never had anything growing up?

The point I’m trying to make is: who am I to judge what kind of father those dads are? I am sure I am being judged by others for me letting my child stay up late, buying that one toy she was whining for, or giving them 2 scoops of ice cream instead of dinner. So how does that make ME a great father? The more I thought about it, the more that I kept going back to God. HE has made me a great father! He has given me the opportunity to be a great father because He has been a great Father to me! To think He gave us His one and only Son to die for us because we are not perfect and because of our imperfections we are allowed the choice to be a great parent.

I work hard. I enjoy my job. I really do. I think my job brings great value to society. My daughter asked me the other day why I have to work. It actually broke my heart. If only my daughter knew how many mornings I dragged myself out of bed not wanting to leave for work but instead wanting to do nothing more than to be at home with them. I wanted to be bitter and say so we can have everything in life that we want. However my response, the more I thought about it, is an example of what my Father has taught me. I choose to work hard so mommy doesn’t have to have a job outside of the home and so I can actually be a better parent. Having a job that i am dedicated to allows me to teach my children the value of hardwork. When I get home from my 2 hour commute and 12 hour day my world revolves around my wife and kids. I pour all my free time into their lives and development. It would be very easy for me to say I am tired when I come home and dont feel like interacting with my children. What kind of father would I be, though, if I spent my time watching ESPN or turned to the internet for online poker? What kind of example would I be setting for my kids and what kind of opportunities would I miss if I choose my needs over theirs?

I would miss the prayers we say when we tuck them into bed. I would miss my daughter whispering to my newborn son, “Don’t worry I will always be here for you and take care of you and never leave you.” I would miss my 16 month old running up and down the park ramp over and over again, smiling and laughing the whole time. I'd miss my daughter pretending she is stuck in peanut butter and jelly and needs me to rescue her (I'm not sure where she got that from). God has given me these opportunities to cherish life. The opportunity to be a great parent and I have choosen to accept that challenge head on!

Being a dad is not an easy job, whether you have one child or a baker’s dozen. It’s tough no matter how many children you have or what age your children are. Between work and social functions, your wife and family interactions, between hanging out with the guys afterwork for a drink or spending all your time in the garage working on your dream car, you now have to assume some sort of control of someone else’s life. That is if you choose to, if you take the opportunity to. It’s easy to say I am too busy or that’s not my job, its my wife's, but isn’t the person who you gave life to your "job"? Trust me I know how easy it can be to make excuses. There are things that have to be done. I have to pay the bills, have to make sure the garbage goes out, lawn mowed, light bulbs changed and on and on. As guys, those things are our job, right?

So then who will raise your children? Your wife? A mother provides the ultimate caregiver role for our children but they need their dads influence and guidance as well. If we don't step up and take that responsibility who will? Who will be their male influence? If not you, it will come from somewhere. It doesn't matter if you have a boy or girl. They both need their daddy: to protect them, to teach them, to hug them, to influence them, to love them. They need you to show them what kind of love a guy should provide to his family. If your doubting your abilities or tallying your imperfections, remember that no one is perfect and says you need to be. I think your kids just want a relationship with you. They will take you as you are. It's just like Gods love for us and His ability to take us as we are, with all our imperfections and faults. He just wants us to have a relationship with Him.

Dads, men, it's time for us to start living a life that is real. Real for our wives, our children, our community. Too often our society accepts the bad dad news as gospel, but we never hear of all the good guys. The dads who pour their every breath into their children, who don't accept the way society sees the way we should act but the way we know we need to act. I think there is no greater honor than to be called father. Before having children I could never imagine what it would be like to have a child and now I have three. But as I held my newborn son, last week, in my arms for the very first time, I couldn't help but be in complete awe about the miracle of life.

So, how do we do this when everyone else is judging us? How can we compete when we look at the dad next to us and feel he is doing a better job or when we see a dad who is worse then us and become complacent with that? With that I'm reminded of a story from my childhood:

A little railroad engine was employed about a station yard for such work as it was built for, pulling a few cars on and off the switches. One morning it was waiting for the next call when a long train of freight-cars asked a large engine in the roundhouse to take it over the hill. "I can't; that is too much a pull for me," said the great engine built for hard work. Then the train asked another engine, and another, only to hear excuses and be refused. In desperation, the train asked the little switch engine to draw it up the grade and down on the other side. " I think I can," puffed the little locomotive, and put itself in front of the great heavy train. As it went on the little engine kept bravely puffing faster and faster, " I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."

As it neared the top of the grade, which had so discouraged the larger engines, it went more slowly. However, it still kept saying, " I - think - I can, I - think - I - can." it reached the top by drawing on bravery and then went on down the grade, congratulating itself by saying, " I thought I could, I thought I could."

Dads, we start by just doing. I think I can, I - think - I -can, I thought I could!