When the darkness closes in, Lord ... I will say

Blessed be your name. 

Lately I have been thinking about my luck. It has seemed lately that it’s one thing after another with my family lately. Last week someone said, “Man, you have had a string.” All I could think of was a pendulum and that as it swings to the one side up high; it has to swing back the other direction, right? When things get tough, when the darkness closes in, what will you say? Will you curse His name, or bless His name?

“Blessed be the name of the LORD from this time forth and for evermore. From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same the LORD'S name is to be praised” (Psalm 113:2-3 KJV)

However, how many times do we slip? How many times do we let out a curse? I know I do, and when I do, I feel so embarrassed. You know when the person cuts you off, when you stub your toe, or your child does the one thing you told them NOT to do. It’s in those very moments that I curse His name. I forget sometimes that there are blessing all around us, even in the dark, we can find him and praise him. I have started to think, just what life would give me if I didn't experience those things. 

Many people know Nicole and I have four beautiful children. You also know they are close in age. We have been so blessed with our little ones. Lately we have had some struggles with our 3-year-old G-man. Those that know him absolutely know just how special he is to our family. He is funny, sweet, crazy, loud, loving, and full of energy kind of boy! He has had some little struggles lately that have set him on a path that is uniquely him. We do not know exactly what it is, but what we do know is we would not have it any other way. What many of you do not know that after our oldest Kennedy was born, we actually experience a miscarriage. It was pretty early on however after being so excited that we were going to have another one join our family, it was devastating. I was pretty new in my faith with Christ that I really had to think deep down why this would happen? Nicole and I grew closer together and said that God has a plan for everything. Even when we do not know, there is a reason. It was still tough. There was a pain and hole in my heart that I never even thought I could imagine. I mean, I did not even know who he/she was. It was a tiny little being, a peanut, but it was my child. Not too long afterwards, we were blessed to find out that we were once again pregnant, but as any father knows, I immediately had my guard up. What would happen? 

As we passed the week of our saddens before, we could breathe a sigh of relief. If I could control it I would have Nicole on permanent bed rest, hooked up to the monitors 24-7. I would have her wrapped in a bubble, surrounded by the best doctors to prevent what would happen before. It was a rough period for us emotionally as we carried this baby and grew excited when each day, week, month passed. Eventually on March 5th we were blessed with Grayson! Our little, perfect bundle of joy, my first son. When I look back on it now, I have said before that I could not imagine my life without him. He is a perfect fit for our family. There is a shine of light in our story because I remind myself that if we didn't lose our child we wouldn't have Grayson. I know that is tough say and some would balk at it, however It reminds me to say Blessed Be Your Name! Even with Grayson’s energy, I wouldn't want it any other way. 

I try to remind myself that through it all God is on my side. Even when I curse His name, I know that He loves me anyways. Even when I forget to bless His name, I can always turn to him to protect me, I ultimately know that I am a treasure in the arms of Christ. We do not have to be perfect. We do not have to wear a mask to cover who we are. As I finish this, my pray for you is that you can release your pain, anger, hurt, frustration and give it to God. I pray that your pendulum will swing back in your favor and if you give it to God, in the good and the bad, we can continue to sing Blessed Be His name!