“Being a great parent has given you good kids. God just gave you the opportunity.” I read this today on a friends Facebook wall. It was in response to him mentioning that God gave him such great kids. The more I read this the more it really stuck out at me. God has given us so many opportunities and unique moments to realize just how special life is and how much He has offered us. Still no matter how many opportunities we are presented with God still says it is up to us on what we do with them. So what does it take to be a great parent, and further more what does it take to be a great father?
I am in no way perfect. In fact, I am far from it. However, lately, I have been told that I am a great father. This made me wonder what does it mean to be a great father? Do I give my kids everything they want? Do I confuse my love with materialist things? Do I treat their mother right by being a great husband? So often, I see so many examples of bad dads but who am I to judge? The parents brawling at a little league game, maybe someone was picking on their child? The child who boarded a plane to run away, maybe he was being abused? Parents buying their child all the best toys, video games and phones, maybe she is adopted and has never had anything growing up?
The point I’m trying to make is: who am I to judge what kind of father those dads are? I am sure I am being judged by others for me letting my child stay up late, buying that one toy she was whining for, or giving them 2 scoops of ice cream instead of dinner. So how does that make ME a great father? The more I thought about it, the more that I kept going back to God. HE has made me a great father! He has given me the opportunity to be a great father because He has been a great Father to me! To think He gave us His one and only Son to die for us because we are not perfect and because of our imperfections we are allowed the choice to be a great parent.
I work hard. I enjoy my job. I really do. I think my job brings great value to society. My daughter asked me the other day why I have to work. It actually broke my heart. If only my daughter knew how many mornings I dragged myself out of bed not wanting to leave for work but instead wanting to do nothing more than to be at home with them. I wanted to be bitter and say so we can have everything in life that we want. However my response, the more I thought about it, is an example of what my Father has taught me. I choose to work hard so mommy doesn’t have to have a job outside of the home and so I can actually be a better parent. Having a job that i am dedicated to allows me to teach my children the value of hardwork. When I get home from my 2 hour commute and 12 hour day my world revolves around my wife and kids. I pour all my free time into their lives and development. It would be very easy for me to say I am tired when I come home and dont feel like interacting with my children. What kind of father would I be, though, if I spent my time watching ESPN or turned to the internet for online poker? What kind of example would I be setting for my kids and what kind of opportunities would I miss if I choose my needs over theirs?
I would miss the prayers we say when we tuck them into bed. I would miss my daughter whispering to my newborn son, “Don’t worry I will always be here for you and take care of you and never leave you.” I would miss my 16 month old running up and down the park ramp over and over again, smiling and laughing the whole time. I'd miss my daughter pretending she is stuck in peanut butter and jelly and needs me to rescue her (I'm not sure where she got that from). God has given me these opportunities to cherish life. The opportunity to be a great parent and I have choosen to accept that challenge head on!
Being a dad is not an easy job, whether you have one child or a baker’s dozen. It’s tough no matter how many children you have or what age your children are. Between work and social functions, your wife and family interactions, between hanging out with the guys afterwork for a drink or spending all your time in the garage working on your dream car, you now have to assume some sort of control of someone else’s life. That is if you choose to, if you take the opportunity to. It’s easy to say I am too busy or that’s not my job, its my wife's, but isn’t the person who you gave life to your "job"? Trust me I know how easy it can be to make excuses. There are things that have to be done. I have to pay the bills, have to make sure the garbage goes out, lawn mowed, light bulbs changed and on and on. As guys, those things are our job, right?
So then who will raise your children? Your wife? A mother provides the ultimate caregiver role for our children but they need their dads influence and guidance as well. If we don't step up and take that responsibility who will? Who will be their male influence? If not you, it will come from somewhere. It doesn't matter if you have a boy or girl. They both need their daddy: to protect them, to teach them, to hug them, to influence them, to love them. They need you to show them what kind of love a guy should provide to his family. If your doubting your abilities or tallying your imperfections, remember that no one is perfect and says you need to be. I think your kids just want a relationship with you. They will take you as you are. It's just like Gods love for us and His ability to take us as we are, with all our imperfections and faults. He just wants us to have a relationship with Him.
Dads, men, it's time for us to start living a life that is real. Real for our wives, our children, our community. Too often our society accepts the bad dad news as gospel, but we never hear of all the good guys. The dads who pour their every breath into their children, who don't accept the way society sees the way we should act but the way we know we need to act. I think there is no greater honor than to be called father. Before having children I could never imagine what it would be like to have a child and now I have three. But as I held my newborn son, last week, in my arms for the very first time, I couldn't help but be in complete awe about the miracle of life.
So, how do we do this when everyone else is judging us? How can we compete when we look at the dad next to us and feel he is doing a better job or when we see a dad who is worse then us and become complacent with that? With that I'm reminded of a story from my childhood:
A little railroad engine was employed about a station yard for such work as it was built for, pulling a few cars on and off the switches. One morning it was waiting for the next call when a long train of freight-cars asked a large engine in the roundhouse to take it over the hill. "I can't; that is too much a pull for me," said the great engine built for hard work. Then the train asked another engine, and another, only to hear excuses and be refused. In desperation, the train asked the little switch engine to draw it up the grade and down on the other side. " I think I can," puffed the little locomotive, and put itself in front of the great heavy train. As it went on the little engine kept bravely puffing faster and faster, " I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."
As it neared the top of the grade, which had so discouraged the larger engines, it went more slowly. However, it still kept saying, " I - think - I can, I - think - I - can." it reached the top by drawing on bravery and then went on down the grade, congratulating itself by saying, " I thought I could, I thought I could."
Dads, we start by just doing. I think I can, I - think - I -can, I thought I could!
